Fall 2020 Blog Update (Part 3 of 7) ~ What I’ve Been Up To

During the COVID-19 quarantine in 2020, I had plenty of free time for projects that had long been shelved due to lack of time.

This website was one of them. And yet after building it, I was not yet ready for the commitment of publishing regular content. Instead I was quickly consumed by other projects.

I spent the first four months of the year writing two articles—one ambitious retrospective article about my personal and professional life during the 2010s, including my relationship with the arts; and one career-spanning interview in celebration of the 80th birthday of an avant-garde musician who I’ve long admired, Keith Rowe.

After completing the second article of the year, I was burned out. I had approached both projects with great reservation. Due to working so intensely with the written word for five years, I had finally reached my personal limits—mentally, emotionally, and physically. Yet I pushed forward, as I tend to do, out of stubborn determination to strike off another project from my endless to-do list.

So, I figured, enough of serious, long-form writing. Why not switch up the medium for a change of pace.

I first spent six weeks editing a video for my friend’s bachelor party. It took me two years after my friend’s wedding to muster up the time for this project. I’m a man of my word, perhaps to a fault.

On a roll, I then taught myself the fundamentals of the motion graphics application Motion. I spent several weeks crawling through an online forum for technical support, fussing over this recreational project about a self-help workshop that I founded and still facilitate with some friends.

Unfortunately—surprise, surprise—my change of medium was not enough to sidestep or soften my excruciating work ethic. At this point in the year, I desperately needed an outlet that was less tedious and analytical. It was time for some simple fun: no laboring over unpaid words; no fussing over new software.

After taking a six-year break from music making to focus on writing, I felt compelled to buy a classical guitar, eager to start fingerpicking again. The audio sketches I made over summer give me some hope that there will be a new guitar-based album…eventually.

Meanwhile, feeling restless after a prolonged quarantine and burned out from my tireless to-do list, I decided on a whim to take a trip before the school year began. In early spring, with minimal planning, I headed to Barcelona with a friend for several days, then I left on my own to hike a northern route on the Camino de Santiago, a historical network of pilgrims’ routes that lead to the shrine of the apostle Saint James the Great in Northwestern Spain, for two weeks. The 12-day hike through northern Spain was a rejuvenating experience, creating space in my life to appreciate the solace of nature and joy of new friendships. The trip remains memorable enough that I plan on blogging about it soon.

I stand proudly in the back row with a bucket hat and a lopsided grin, celebrating the end of a long journey with the new family that I made during my 12-day hike through northern Spain from Leon to Santiago de Compostela. Photo by unknown passer-by.

Fall 2020 Blog Update (Part 2 of 7) ~ A Moment of Clarity

After dodging this blog entry over the summer, I recently arrived at the end of my delay while lying on my bed one Sunday afternoon.

Staring upward at the hanging ceiling lamp [pictured below], I found motivation the way a big toe stumbles upon a corner of the bed in the middle of the night: for a moment, the narrative noise babbling through my mind was interrupted; my attention suddenly throbbing, pulsing with new possibility.

My hanging ceiling lamp. Photo by Todd B. Gruel.

Eye to eye with my silent coach, part clinical menace and part floral beauty, the plastic ceiling fixture suggested a mix between an operating table light and an exotic jungle flower. The circular silhouette framed the reflection of my desk window, my faithful computer seen waiting at stand-bye.

I’m not sure what intrigued me. But in a moment of clarity, my sudden change of perception inspired a change of behaviour.

Stop delaying. Take a deep breath. And get started. Now.

As I ease back into my job as a language and culture assistant in Murcia, Spain, the school district now opened again after COVID-19 forced a shut down throughout the country earlier in the year, it’s time to wring out some words about my recent goings-on along with my next plans for this website.

Fall 2020 Blog Update (Part 1 of 7) ~ So, Where’s the Content?

Forgive me, Father, for I have— 

Okay, maybe I’m being just a little dramatic. Eight months after I launched this website in March 2020, I’ve had a modest visit count by most measures. Granted, I’ve shared very little content so far; nor have I made much effort to promote it. Still, the principle remains. 

Although my infrequent action on this site isn’t quite penance-worthy (yet), in our era of digital consumerism, content is king. That is to say, in the 21st century, we can find anything we’re looking for at any time, and a lot of it. Nowadays, when falling short of one’s quota has become grounds for exile from the kingdom, the reigning law is clear: Those who aren’t constantly producing new content will be forgotten; those who aren’t constantly consuming new content will be lost. 

Enter a new boogeyman on the block. Around 20 years ago, social theorists diagnosed our postmodern condition as a kind of intoxicating, highly infectious anxiety disorder. Eventually, the condition took the form of an urban acronym, FOMO, short for Fear Of Missing Out. But what is this unspecified thing that we’re missing out on? If it’s not the next best thing that we’re scrambling for, it’s at least the next thing, whatever that means for us. 

Regardless of what we frantically seek, we can often trace it to the bottomless pits of mass and social media, the so-called infinity pools whirling around the center of our collective consciousness. Unless we’re off-the-grid hippies or senile senior citizens, many of us are tempted by the same FOMO refrain, fascinated by the spectacle of new news and other lives: more, more, more; give me more, more, more. 

Of course, I’m certainly not immune to ego distractions. But I’d like to think that my motivation with this website is less about building an empire of adoring fans than about sharing an enduring sense of wonder about life with fellow seekers who stumble my way. 

As I continue developing my website over the next couple of years, I’ll do my best not to disappear into the digital ether. Meanwhile, whoever you might be, thank you for your patience. Thank you for your interest. Thank you for visiting.

Photo taken from Public Domain Pictures.